Let's Go Mets

I saw these on Facebook and had to put them together. 

First is a 1962 quote about the Mets from Jimmy Breslin. 

Second is a photo that says the same thing with fewer words. 

ADVICE TO YOUNG FILMMAKERS OR MURDERERS

NOTE: Recently I was invited back to my alma mater to talk about working in the Entertainment Industry. 

This is the speech I was too chicken to give. 

Please enjoy and share with young people or anyone interested in learning more about film. 

*      *      * 

Good afternoon, Film Students. 

You know, if I had to choose between making an independent feature or killing a man, I would choose murder. Because the killing wouldn’t take 9 years of my life. Or a Kickstarter campaign. (Doing another Kickstarter campaign would kill me.)

Seriously though, my message to new college graduates is: if you have to choose between becoming a filmmaker or becoming a murderer, go with murder. Your parents will be relieved that you're not making a movie. Hate-based murder is something everyone understands. Especially married people.

If you want to become a murderer, you can just do it. From day one, you’re the boss. You don’t have to spend the first few years paying your dues, fetching coffee for more successful murderers who you don’t even like. You’re not required to stand on a corner asking people, “Could you walk on the other side of the street? We’re about to start murdering.”

Here’s another reason being a murderer is better than being a filmmaker: If you work hard planning and pulling off a really difficult murder, your friends won’t say “Hmm, it was just okay.” Your best friend would never tell you, “It was good, but… I would’ve have murdered that woman differently…”

When a murderer goes to a cocktail party people might treat him like a filmmaker, at first.  They’ll ask “But how do you make a living?”

Or they’ll just assume you’re a lousy murderer. “Well, I’ve never heard of any of your murders...”  

And the real assholes will give you advice about how to make it as a Murderer. “You should move to Detroit. That’s a big murder city.”  Oh, apparently there was a story on CBS Sunday Morning and now you’re an expert on my craft?!

But those people are being defensive. One, because they fear they are going to be murdered by you. And two, because you make them realize what a boring life they live.

Before the night is over, at least one drunk party-guest will pull you aside and admit, “You know I’ve always wanted to feel the rush that comes with committing a murder. But I’ve been so intimidated by the social norms and legal ramifications.”  In other words: everyone wishes they could be you.

  

Films schools say they encourage people to think outside the box. “Ohh this independent drama really says a lot about gender.”

Hey, serial killer Ed Gein murdered people while dressed up like a woman.  How’s that for subverting gender roles?

Aspiring movie-makers act like their job is something special. “Oh I’m following that new screenwriter on twitter, he’s really killing it.”

No, murderers – THEY are really killing it.

  

Indie filmmakers brag that they made a movie on a “shoe-string” budget.  But creative murderers have killed people with nothing more than a shoestring.

Filmmakers are always giving each other some bullshit awards. If there were a red carpet gala for murder, all the guests would be like, “Man, this carpet would be great for disposing of a murdered body.”

Thankfully, the mainstream media still treats murderers with respect. When someone in New York City is murdered, the newspapers describe it with fear and terror. You never get into the back of a taxi and hear Sandy Kenyon say, “Here’s a murder that was uninspired and condescending."

Because if he said that, Sandy Kenyon knows he’d get murdered.

I guess at the end of the day, some people just don’t have what it takes to be murderers, so they settle for filmmaking instead. 

* * *  

(Save time for Q&A. Answer several questions about living in New York vs. L.A.)

***RELATED***

Two Killer Jokes

Next two KGO shows will be intense

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING
The 5th annual show about the world's most entertaining spectacle. 

WHEN: Saturday, September 26th @ 8pm 
(doors at 7:30, with a custom pre-show video)

WHERE: Alamo Drafthouse in Yonkers
HOW MUCH: $12

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING (2015) from Kevin Maher on Vimeo.

This year's show includes: 

• a tribute to Rowdy Roddy Piper 
• My search for the world's worst wrestling movie
• tWWEets
• A retrospective on Dusty Rhodes
• Trivia games (including one courtesy of The Big Quiz Thing)
• and much more

With co-host Brian Solomon (author of the new book PRO WRESTLING FAQ) 
and special guests Mike "the Main Event" Edison
and Sixth Boro Saint Dennis Holden (host of Dennis Has a Podcast)

*Listen to Dennis' podcast with Kevin HERE (hear)


*   *   *

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT STEPHEN KING
a Horror video variety show just days before Halloween

WHEN: Thursday October 29th, 9:30pm
WHERE: Nitehawk Cinema in Brooklyn
HOW MUCH: $15

Click HERE for tickets.

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT STEPHEN KING from Kevin Maher on Vimeo.

Covering 40 years of film and TV projects, with close readings of the famous and infamous Stephen King adaptations: the good, the bad, the good-bad and the bad-bad.

Special guests include:

• Jenn Wexler (Producer, Glass Eye Pix)
• Ritch Duncan (author, The Werewolf’s Guide to Life)
• Carolyn Symons (writer, Susan Vaginahands: Attorney at Law)
• Matt Glasson (Editor, Filmmaker)
• Edwin Samuelson (DVD/Blu-ray Special Features producer)
• Jon Abrams (Editor-in-Chief, Daily Grindhouse)

Photo recap of KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT LADY ROBOTS

The August 27th show at Nitehawk Cinema sold-out. 

I can't possibly do justice to the event, but here's photographic evident that it happened, along with a video. 

Don't miss the next show, KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE, Thursday September  17th at Nitehawk Cinema. Get tickets HERE

Kevin Maher with co-host TOM BLUNT.

 

 Lady Robot as Femme Fatale

A discussion on the lady robot as femme fatale asked the question: is the femme fatale a strong female character or a sexist stereotype. Later someone asked "Why can't it be both at the same time?" That's what we explore in Kevin Geeks Out. 

ROBOT AS FEMME FATALE: 8-minute cut of LOST IN SPACE from Kevin Maher on Vimeo.

2 Big Show in September

The Kevin Geeks Out show will feature not one but TWO excellent nights of pop culture celebration. 

First is KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE. 

A two hour video-variety show that looks at the end of the world as we know it. With great guest speakers, rare video clips, and a costume contest/post-apocalyptic fashion show. 

This one-night-only event is part of the Brooklyn Book Festival, so expect some intelligent literary discussion about HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN. 

guests include: Emily Asher-Perrin (Tor.com) Tenebrous Kate (Heretical Sexts), Peter Miller (the Post-Apocalypitc Book Club), Nathaniel Wharton (SportsAlcohol.com) and Matt Glasson (Kevin & Matt Geek Out About Sharks) 

Get tickets in advance HERE, since the show will sell out. 

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE
Thursday September 17th @ 9:30pm
Nitehawk Cinema in Williamsburg
$15 
note: the venue has a full kitchen, you can eat/drink during the show. 

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE from Nitehawk Cinema on Vimeo.

* * * 

Second, it's the fourth annual KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING.

This multi-media tribute show looks at the world's most entertaining spectacle, with lots of odd video clips, a tribute to Roddy Piper, live commentary on a classic match, a roundtable discussion about wrestling's myths, rumors and legends and a trivia round. 

This event is co-hosted by Brian Solomon, author of the excellent book PRO WRESTLING F.A.Q. (Brian will be selling and signing copies of his book after the show.) 

Along with special guests: Mike "the Main Event" Edison, The 6th Boro Saint Dennis Holden, and Parts Uknown resident Brandon Rohwer. Plus: a surprise guest (to be announced.)  

Get advanced tickets HERE, you choose your seat. 

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING
Saturday September 26th @ 8:00pm 
(doors at 7:30 for a special video pre-show) 
at The Alamo Drafthouse in Yonkers
note: this venue has a full kitchen, you can eat and drink during the event. 

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING (2015) from Kevin Maher on Vimeo.

Kevin Geeks Out About LADY ROBOTS

The August KEVIN GEEKS OUT show is all about Lady Robots: a virtual parade of female robots from the last 100 years of science fiction, featuring Frisky Fembots of the 1960s, Cyber-clones of the ‘20s, Killer Androids of the ‘80s and much more.

This show spotlights ass-kicking killbots and seductive replicants, plus electric grandmothers and feminist revolutionaries. Kevin and guests explore the question: what does a wholly manufactured woman want, and what will she do to get it?

with Co-Host Tom Blunt and special guests: 

Cici James (owner of Singularity & Co. sci-fi bookstore) 

Moon Ribas (co-founder, The Cyborg Foundation)

Seth Porges (technology writer/editor) 

Jenn Northington (co-founder, Bookrageous)

and more

Watch the trailer here:

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT LADY ROBOTS from Nitehawk Cinema on Vimeo.


*** ONE NIGHT ONLY *** 

Kevin Geeks Out About Lady Robots
Thursday August 27th @ 9:30pm

at Nitehawk Cinema in Williamsburg Brooklyn
buy tickets HERE

Kevin Geeks Out About Super Villains

Time for the next installment of KEVIN GEEKS OUT. This month's show is all about SUPER VILLAINS. 

A story is only as good as its villain, so comedian Kevin Maher takes an obsessive look at some of the best and worst super villains. This two-hour multi-media show includes a virtual parade of power-mad perverts, bald villains, cartoon criminals, Satanic weirdoes, wrestling heels and more.

Kevin is joined by co-host Tenebrous Kate (creator of My Dream Date with a Villain) and a diabolical line-up of special guests, including 
• Illustrator Becky Munich (“Monster Activity Book”) 
• Writer Nick Nadel (truTV, IFC.com),  
• Doctor Maureen Mararese 
• Filmmaker Paul Murphy (Red Obsession)
• Professor Geoff Klock (“The Future of Comics, The Future of Men”) 

All this, plus trivia prizes, lame super-villains and even some V.I.L.F.s

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT SUPERVILLAINS from Nitehawk Cinema on Vimeo.
KEVIN GEEKS OUT is a video variety show hosted by writer-comedian Kevin Maher – a confabulation of obscure film clips, offbeat commentary, guest experts, games and curiosities. To geek out with Kevin you don’t have to be a geek, just a pop culture-adventurer.

RELATED: 

New York Times coverage of KEVIN GEEKS OUT

Edgar Allen Poe's THE RAVEN: Lego playset

"Feast your eyes on this" my 7-year-old told me and revealed his latest masterpiece: a Lego playset based on Edgar Allen Poe's THE RAVEN. 

My kid first got into Poe via YouTube's Epic Rap Battles of History (there's a video where Stephen King faces off with Poe.) 

After his interest in the macabre author, my wife read him the famous poem (and showed him the drawings in Gahan Wilson's Classics Illustrated adaptation from the '90s.) 

He soon realized it was the same poem the Simpsons dramatized in the very first Treehouse of Horror. And he's been watching it over and over, wishing there was a Lego playset. So he build his own. 

Since then he's devised a plan for the annual storybook parade. (Public Schools in Brooklyn have replaced the Halloween parade with a more literary "storybook character parade" where students dress up as literary figures and bring in the book. Naturally most kids will dress up as Iron Man or Spider-Man and bring in a paperback novelization. Not even a comic book, but a chapter-book tie-in!) But my kid has already decided he's going as THE RAVEN. 

"And all day, whenever a teacher asks me anything I'll just say `Nevermore!'" 

Come back on November 1st to get the update. 

*** Somewhat related *** 

This is the same 7-year-old who pitched a sequel to THE SHINING

For more famous macabre animals, come see KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT ANIMAL ATTACKS at the Nitehawk Movie Theater this month. 

Trailer: KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT ANIMAL ATTACKS from Nitehawk Cinema on Vimeo.

Kevin Geeks Out returns to Brooklyn, teams up with Nitehawk Cinema

Starting this June, we're bringing the KEVIN GEEKS OUT show back to Brooklyn for an extended run at NITEHAWK CINEMA in Williamsburg. 

The series begins Thursday June 25th with KEVIN GEEKS OUT about ANIMAL ATTACKS, keeping with the KGO tradition there will be dozens of film clips presented by special guests. (Order tickets in advance HERE, the show will sell-out.)




KGO shows continue once a month, with a different theme each month. 

You can save the summer dates: 

Thursday July 30th @ 9:30
Thursday August 27th @ 9:30
Thursday September 17th @ 9:30

(come back here in July to see the topics for each show.) 


KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT ANIMAL ATTACKS

A two-hour video variety show of rare footage and pop culture commentary.

Comedian Kevin Maher presents an obsessive look at the Animal Attack genre: from recent CGI beasts to the nature-gone-wrong films of the Drive-In era. This two-hour multi-media show includes dozens of film clips featuring crazed cats, angry bears, giant spiders, Freudian snakes, killer cockroaches, a racist dog and much more. With special guest presentations by Jon Abrams (Editor-in-Chief, Daily Grindhouse), Wendy Mays (creator of SPACE CAT) Matt Glasson (filmmaker/editor/co-host, Kevin & Matt Geek Out About Zombies) and Tom Blunt (film blogger and variety show host)  

Plus Kevin hand-picked some of his favorite scenes from the genre, including: the most pretentious animal incident, best gratuitous animal attack, and cinema’s fakest reptile (hint: it’s not DinoCroc.)

ABOUT NITEHAWK CINEMA

Since 2011, Nitehawk Cinema has been one of New York's best movie theaters, offering an eclectic mix of first-run films, revival screenings and special events. It's a great theater for movie-lovers, date night, or even a brunch screening. 

Nitehawk includes a full-service restaurant, so you can get food served during the movie, as well as snacks and beverages from the bar. There's also a bar and cafe, to get food and drinks before or after your screening. 

Guests are advised to arrive 30 minutes prior to showtime to get settled, meet their server, place their order and enjoy the custom pre-show. Seating is first come, first serve. 

For more about the theater, just click HERE.

ABOUT KEVIN GEEKS OUT

KEVIN GEEKS OUT is a video variety show hosted by writer-comedian Kevin Maher – a confabulation of obscure film clips, offbeat commentary, guest experts, games and curiosities.  To geek out with Kevin you don’t have to be a geek, just a pop culture-adventurer.

To date, Kevin has geeked out with over 30 different installments of his variety night, dedicating a full evening to a specific topic, such as Bigfoot! – Robots! – Zombies! – KISS! – Wrestling! – Batman! – and Visions of the Future! His show has been a critics’ pick in The New York Times, The Village Voice, Time Out NY, Gothamist … and what other comedy show can you name that’s been featured in Scientific American? 

Previous guests include writers from The Daily Show, award-winning cartoonists, scientists, comic book writers, film scholars, screenwriters, novelists, bloggers, a clown, a psychic and Santa Claus.

Join Kevin each month as he and his special guests share rare footage, sharp observations and funny takes on the tropes, themes and recurring images that occupy our minds.

“Kevin Maher is a shining example of truly independent humor and spirit. Not only that, but he's actually funny!” 

- Lloyd Kaufman, President, Troma Entertainment, and creator of the Toxic Avenger

Follow Kevin Geeks Out on Facebook and twitter.   

THE BAD NEWS BEARS & 5 MORE MOVIES THAT ARE SECRETLY ABOUT VIETNAM

I wrote a piece at IFC.com, originally titled "Holy shit, six movies I hadn't realized are totally about VIETNAM." They changed the title, but it's still pretty good. You can read it here. It's "smart", in a Cracked.com sort of way. 

Interestingly (well, interesting to no one but me) -- my college thesis was about Vietnam in popular memory, so this essay was a return to that. I barely graduated college because of my non-traditional thesis-lecture-show. So writing this essay about Vietnam movies felt very Rambo; but instead of returning to Vietnam I was going back to the treacherous landscape of media studies. "Do I get to win this time?" 

Lastly: I would make a case that GHOSTBUSTERS is about Reagan not dealing with the ghosts of Viet Nam. But I don't want to risk "ruining" someone's childhood with that theory. 

RELATED: 

My STAR WARS personal essay. (Don't worry, I don't argue that STAR WARS is the first pro-war film since John Wayne's THE GREEN BERETS.) 

The RICHARD NIXON figures of my youth

Kid Pitches a Sequel to THE SHINING

Kids learn various bits of pop-culture, including references to the R-rated world of grown-up movies. On the playground my 7-year-old learned about THE SHINING. (Which he immediately recognized from a TREEHOUSE OF HORROR parody.) Anyway, my boy has an idea for sequel (I guess his friend didn't tell him about DOCTOR SLEEP.) 

Ripoff, Homage or Coincidence: OFFICE SPACE edition

Stephen Root's performance as Milton Wadkins -- is it Ernie Kovacs Percy Dovetonsils (which, may have been a parody of author Truman Capote?)

See for yourself and decide:




Office Space- Milton Scenes from Team Crystal on Vimeo.

* * *

RELATED:

When twitter asks, I imagine it being said as Bill Lumbergh.

RICHARD NIXON AND THE LYING AUTHORITY FIGURES IN SOME OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES

Sharp suit, gray hair, crooked smile: one of the first character-types I became aware was this lying authority figure. I didn't know it when I was a child, but each of these minor villains are stand-ins for Richard Nixon. See here: 

Mayor Larry Vaughn from JAWS (1975) 

The Mayor makes his position clear: I'm not closing the beaches. We never learn Vaughn's political affiliations, but he's a classic portrait of an empty suit (scripted by counter-culture comedian Carl Gottlieb), spouting platitudes like "Amity, as you know, means friendship." His greed and denial are a deadly combination. He's an archetypical Nixon figure, knowingly lying to the public about a real danger. 

 Mr. Lewis Teague from POLTERGEIST (1982) 

There's a lot of scary stuff in POLTERGEIST: creepy clowns, carnivorous trees, a flying Hulk action figure. But none of these would be possible without Teague. He's the one who built the the Cuesta Verde houses on top of a cemetery -- and he only moved the headstones (not the bodies.) Teague is to the ghosts what Mayor Vaughn is to the shark; the enabler of evil. Again, I didn't realize it at the time, but he embodies the public's distrust of leaders after Watergate and Vietnam. 

Dr. James Kelloway in CAPRICORN ONE (1978) 

Years of playing Mark Twain prepared Hal Holbrook for one of my favorite film monologues: his deliberately slowly paced speech perfectly sets up the story of CAPRICORN ONE. Holbrook actually allows us to sympathize with the devious NASA scientist. True to the post-Vietnam era: He's not a bad man, but he does questionable things. 

D.A. Thomas Pain in THE NIGHT STALKER (1972) 

Revisiting this cult favorite I figured the District Attorney fit the bill: He's threatens the freedom of the press and works with the police force to withhold information and cover up the murders of a Las Vegas vampire. And he's a silver-haired suit. The first Kolchak movie aired 5 months before the Watergate break-in, but he still counts! 

Dean Vernon Wormer in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE (1978) 

In his 2006 memoir The Real Animal House author Chris Miller identifies the real-life inspirations for his stories of the Alpha Delta Phi fraternity. At the end of the book he defends Dartmoth College Dean Seymore, noting that the real-life Dean was not the source material for Wormer: "Nixon was Dean Wormer. Dean Seymore was always a great guy. And his wife is not Marion Wormer!" Thanks for clearing that up, Chris. [This seems like as good a place as any to mention that John Landis' first choice for the evil college dean was DRAGNET's Jack Webb. Mr. Webb turned it down because he thought the script poked fun at authority. Yeesh!]

* * * 

So there you have it. The Nixons of my youth. 

Full-disclosure: this blog post was written to be a footnote to another article I wrote about Vietnam movies for IFC.com. 


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