Two killer jokes

Not Jeremy

My friend Jeremy was revising his screenplay and emailed me to see if I could contribute a joke about a serial killer.  (It's for his amazing-looking feature LUCID, but that's beside the point.)

I scribbled a few bad jokes, some were really bad, others weren't bad enough.

Even though he needed a quick exchange, I penned this narrative joke, which is liking something out of the Blanche Knott books I would sneakily read as a kid:


SERIAL KILLER JOKE #1 (of 2)

Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper and Jeffrey Dahmer all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve serial killers."

Manson says, "But I'm not a serial killer.  I just had a devoted cult who killed on my behalf."

The bartender says "okay," and gives him a beer.

Jack the Ripper says, "But I'm not a serial killer.  I was just a scapegoat for several murders committed by the Royal Family."

The bartender says "okay," and gives him a beer.

Jeffrey Dahmer says "I'm not here for a drink.  I just want to find a man to seduce, murder and eat."

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SERIAL KILLER JOKE #2 (of 2) 

I had written several more jokes, and I tried them all out on my wife.

For one of them I asked the question "How many serial killers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

My original punchline was just okay.

But upon hearing it, my wife immediately said "I thought you were going to say `TWO: One to change the bulb and one to make a lampshade out of a prostitute."

Such a better joke.

And the thing is, but she just fired that one off without thinking about it.

My wife is funnier than me.

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RELATED:

Watch the trailer for Jeremy Carr's LUCID

Lucid - Feature Film Trailer from Jeremy Carr on Vimeo.


And check out material from OLD SKETCH WEEK.