Here's "THE FORTUNE TELLER"
(Stage is set with 2 chairs; one is occupied by MADAME KRISTA, an old gypsy woman. Next to her is a small sign that reads “PALM READINGS, $5”)
(DAN walks through the curtain and sits down. He hands the woman a five-dollar bill.)
MADAME KRISTA: Yes, yes, let Madame Krista look into your future and see your fate. Give me your hand…
(She turns his hand over to reveal thick black hair growing from his palm.)
MADAME KRISTA: Well…uhm…eh…it says you really like to whack-off.
DAN: Does it say anything about my painting career? Or where I’ll meet the love of my life? Or if I’ll win the pie-eating contest?
MADAME KRISTA: No. Just a lot of whacking-off.
(MADAME KRISTA squints.)
MADAME KRISA: Also…you were born in a test-tube…conceived from the frozen seed of Adolph Hitler.
DAN: No kiddin’ lady. Why’da’ya think I pump the baloney so much?