SHARKMANIA: deleted jokes, observations and opinions

My passion for shark movies outweighed my distrust of basic-cable talking-head clip shows and I agreed to appear on SyFy channel's SHARKMANIA: THE TOP 15 BIGGEST, BADDEST, BLOODIEST BITES. 

Here are some jokes that did not appear during the broadcast, but are good enough to blog. 

(In the TV business, we call these "web exclusives!") 

Say what you will about 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK, it passes the Bechdel test.

If a sharknado really happened, Pat Robertson would somehow blame it on gay sharks.

Movie Quiz: Graffiti in Films

Can you identify these 22 films based on the graffiti? 

(See the comments section for answers.)

1. 

2.

3.

4.

5.

The 3rd type of Shark Movie Poster: HANDS!!!

Previously I'd compared the two types of Shark movie posters (see the gallery HERE.) 

But here's another poster trope:  HANDS GRASPING FOR DEAR LIFE. 

The hands are always caucasian. And they frequently belong to men. (Otherwise the poster will show the woman in her bikini.) 

KINDERTRAUMA observed that GREAT WHITE's hand is the MORTUARY hand. (It appeared again on a book cover.) 

Happy Blobfest

Happy Blobfest Weekend! 

Some of you are excited about Free Slurpee Day or the new Planet of the Apes movie. 

But I'm excited to go to Phoenixville, PA -- the town where THE BLOB (1958) was filmed. 

Here's a video I made for AMC back in 2008, my first Blobfest: 





This year's theme is Kaiju, and the organizers had a "Kaiju Haiku" contest. There was a different prize each week. 

I was bummed that I didn't win the King Kong pillowcases, but delighted to learn that my haiku won the grand prize: passes to Blobfest! 

And my poem was turned into this 3-panel comic by Jason Deeble (of Monster Haiku) 

Here's the full schedule for this weekend's Blobfest. (including appearances by Joel Hodgson and Ghoul a Go Go) 

It's worth the trip. 

Beware of the Blob by KevinMaher

The Kevin Maher Summer Tour

I have 3 exciting shows coming to 3 excellent cities. 

WEEHAWKEN, NJ - on Sunday July 13th @ 7:00pm

THE HAWK - Comedy, Music & Storytelling

ABOUT THIS SHOW: 
Susie Felber's new variety series features a variety of acts including music, storytelling and a rare stand-up performance by Kevin Maher. 

For more about the show, read this article. 

THE HAWK
at the PARK AVENUE BAR & GRILL
3417 Park Avenue, Union City NJ 07087
Just $5 (and 2-items) 

Sunday, July 13th @ 7:00 pm

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW TRIVIAL PURSUIT

I watched TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D (2013) last night. 

It's like jury-duty for fans of the original. 

Anyway, there's a scene where Leatherface (aka "Jeb Sawyer") goes to a carnival and encounters a guy in a pig-mask weilding a chainsaw. 

Was this a MOTEL HELL (1980) reference or just a coincidence? 

Either way, I wish the film had taken advantage of the carny setting and made some inside jokes about Tobe Hooper's THE FUNHOUSE (1981). 

But this movie was not made for me. 


* * * 

Bonus Fun-fact: 


I was playing a game of TRIVIAL PURSUIT with my wife and the silver-screen category asked: 

What 1980's horror movie includes a climactic chainsaw duel. 

I told my wife: The answer on the card will be "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre Part 2" but the REAL answer is "Motel Hell." 

I was right. You gotta know the limits of the questionnaire. 

Women & Fireworks - photo gallery

You can learn a lot about a society based on how it depicts women on fireworks.

1. THE BEACH BABE

For you boner-poppin' Freedom-luvin' Shakesepeare fans. 

2. THE ST. PAULIE GIRL KNOCK-OFF

Oktoberfest meets the 4th of July meets beer ad stereotypes.